you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
