It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
