Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
