I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
