he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
