Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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