Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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