party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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