Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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