puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
