so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
