I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize