I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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