i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
