Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
