Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
