i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
