You can't special order awesome
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
