he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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