So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
