I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
