You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
