Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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