Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
