We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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