Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No subtext here. People are naked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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