party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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