Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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