what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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