look no pants
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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