I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
