I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize