she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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