Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
