if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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