i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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