epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize