i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
