Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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