sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
