I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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