Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
