If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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