Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
