I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it because I queefed?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This house was built for laser tag.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
