we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My bed smells like the plague
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
