then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
