Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
