I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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