Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
