I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
