in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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