he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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