some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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