Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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