I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
