well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
