Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
