Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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