Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
