having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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