sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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