So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
