peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
