I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
