She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
