i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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