there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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