I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
