So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
