At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
