She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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