now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
