Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
