girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
