I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
