And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
