You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
