Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
